It will feel different when it is your kid.

It will feel different when it is your kid.

This is what some people would say about becoming a step mom. I have been hearing this statement for almost seven years now. That was when I met Jason and little Tyler (age 2 at the time we met). When I talked about how incredible it was to be a parent to Tyler, I would be told that having a baby of my own would be better. I want to tell these people, WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP! Sorry about the language, Mom.

This is what Tyler looked like when I met him.

Tyler and I bonded the first time we met. Within minutes of meeting he looked up at me, raised his cubby little arms and said, “I want to hold you”. The moment I felt like a parent to Tyler felt was no different than with Eric. I remember that moment to this day. Jason and I had gone on a date and he had picked Tyler up from his parents’ house. He carried Tyler to me and placed the sleeping boy on my lap for me to hold. Tyler made a gurgle noise and snuggled up to me. So warm and soft, he opened his eyes slightly, saw me, sighed and went back to sleep. With Eric, it was when the doctor placed him on me right after birth. Both moments melted my heart and made me cry. They were two of the three most amazing moments of my life, making me feel more alive than ever before.

Tyler before our wedding

I feel no difference in my love for both my boys. I will always refer to Tyler as my son, my first child, and the big bonus I got for falling in love with Jason. I don’t like people referring to Tyler’s mother as his “real mom”, as it makes me sound like a “fake mom”. Also calling her a “birth mom” makes it sound like she gave him up. I refer to her as “natural mom” as she is still a part of his life and I think it defines both of us well.

ALSO…………………………………….

I am as real a mother to Tyler as you can get.
Yes, that is my bum... enjoy

People who have seen me with him will tell you that. Some don’t even know I am the step mom, and those who find out seem surprised. I have been there for every first day of school, attended every parent teacher conference, and left work to take care of him when he’s sick. I have kissed boo boos, taken him to church, volunteered at his school, helped with homework, and hugged him when he was sad. I can tell when he is lying, see that he is sick from across the room. I also let him know I won’t put up with his crap. Sorry again Mom.

Look, me in a swimsuit, SHOCK!

I predict I will be a better to mother to Tyler than I will be to Eric and any other natural children I may have. WHY? I think Tyler’s situation makes me work harder. Trying to compensate for the things that can hurt is his heart when he’s away from his “California Family”. Tyler’s back and forth life also reminds Jason and I how important giving him a stable home should be.

Tickle time!

I have told Tyler, my love for him is special because I choose to love him. You HAVE to love the children that come from your body, but a step or adopted child you choose to bring in your life. There is no opps with them. Tyler likes this idea. He and I will always have a special bond, and I treasure that he thinks I am “a great mom”. So there you go, and what those people said is crap. Last time, I promise Mom!

Comforting my sick boy